What are we teaching others in terms of how to treat us?

I recently heard a phrase on the radio. Sadly the radio was on in the car and I couldn’t easily write it down. Luckily it was so good, I could recall it vividly when I arrived at my destination.

“We train people how to treat us”

We regularly speak to Managers who want to ask our advice on management, whether it be tricky HR issues that require constructive conversations or whether it is how to I approach X about Y? When it comes to the latter it’s often the case that the Manager has failed to see that they have taught a colleague how to treat them.

Let me give you an example. Say you are in conversation with a work colleague and mid way during the conversation they turn their head away from you. You now have 3 choices.

A) Recognise what has happened and make a mental note to raise it with someone else.

B) Ignore it.

C) Ask the work colleague why they turned away from you.

You see it’s not difficult. If we ignore it when people behave towards us in a way we find unacceptable unless you ask that person about it, you will continue to experience the behaviour again. Next time it could be worse than the first time, as by now they might think they need to increase the impact to get a response.

Raising it with someone else whether that be your HR advisor, your Line Manager or a trusted confidant will only creates a bigger problem. You see the passage of time means that ‘going back’ to someone and asking them about what happened (yesterday, last Tuesday, last fortnight) will never be as easy as turning to someone at the time and responding.

Sorry, is everything OK, you’ve just turned away, can I ask why?

If you would like help managing others, please give us a call on 01527 909436 as there are lots of ways we can assist.