Why we shouldn’t rely on transactional communications just because they are efficient

When it comes to communicating with our teams we have three choices. We can:

1. Listen to respond
2. Listen to influence
3. Listen to understand

When we are listening to respond we are being transactional. Picture the scene, the Nursery Manager walks into the kitchen and asks a relatively new and inexperienced Chef “Have you had numbers for today’s lunch?”. Yes, replies the Chef. “Jolly Good” replies the Nursery Manager and leaves.

Now you may be thinking that there is nothing wrong with that communication.

You’re not wrong there’s nothing inherently wrong with being transactional. It’s incredibly efficient. It takes very little time in our busy days. No-one had their time taken up on that transaction.

But here’s the issue.

When we Listen to Respond, we are exchanging information. The questions we ask are closed. The Chef in the above example would ‘feel’ nothing and neither would the Nursery Manager. The Chef may feel that the Nursery Manager doesn’t trust them to find out the number of children in before preparing lunch. No relationship has been built during the transaction, so no reflection of the Chef’s short service has been made.

Imagine if the conversation had been Listen to Understand. Transformational. It may have looked like this:

“Hi, How are you?” says the Nursery Manager. “Good, you?” says Chef. “Not bad, just wanted to check in with you?” says the Nursery Manager. “How things going?”

“What do you need to prepare today’s lunch?” says Nursery Manager

“Nothing thanks, I’ve had today’s numbers and which children are in that have allergies. I’m about to make a special gluten free parsley sauce for little Fred to go with his fish pie, such a shame that he is celiac” says Chef.

“Sounds good” says Nursery Manager.

“I’m having a chat with Mum on Thursday, she’s keen to discuss recipe ideas with me as they are struggling with his new diagnosis” says Chef.

“Thank you for that” says the Nursery Manager. “Supporting our parents where we can is very much the way we do things round here I am grateful to you for helping her and I am sure both parents and little Fred will very much appreciate your effort.”

Can you see how different that transformational conversation was? The Nursery Manager listened to understand. They have heard from the Chef that they are competent in their job, they are demonstrating their values, are receiving communications from the rooms in a timely manner. They get the allergy procedures and have an ability to adapt the menu to mean a child with a gluten intolerance can eat the same meal as his peers. Shared Trust has been achieved.

So the next time you go for transactional communication for efficiency, think what more you could gain from a transformational approach.

If you need any assistance with management training for your nursery managers, give us a call on 01527 909436.