When Telling Someone to “Get Out” Becomes a Dismissal Risk

Difficult conversations in nurseries rarely happen at a convenient time. They often arise during busy transitions, staff shortages, room changes, handovers or periods of intense pressure on ratios.

A few careless words spoken in frustration can turn an ordinary management instruction into a grievance, disciplinary dispute or allegation that an employee has been dismissed or suspended.

Telling an employee to “get out” will not automatically amount to dismissal. A dismissal occurs when the employer ends the employee’s contract. However, words and actions can create serious uncertainty about what the manager intended. An Employment Tribunal may need to consider what was said, the surrounding circumstances and how the employee could reasonably have understood the instruction. (GOV.UK)

The aim is not to make nursery managers afraid of managing. It is to help them remain calm, control the conversation and use language that is firm, fair and defensible.

How a routine instruction can escalate

We regularly receive calls from nursery owners and managers where a difficult staffing situation has escalated quickly and emotionally.

Consider this example:

Nursery Manager A asks Early Years Practitioner B to return to a room and support the team. B says the instruction is unfair and accuses the manager of bullying.

Before long, colleagues C, D and E are encouraging B not to “put up with it” and to raise a grievance. By the time the matter reaches the nursery office, Manager A feels personally attacked and believes their authority is being undermined.

These situations can be particularly challenging where:

• the manager is new or inexperienced;
• the team has recently changed;
• the manager has not yet built relationships with the staff;
• an owner has recently taken over the nursery;
• employees are testing the boundaries of a new management structure; or
• the manager feels exposed, unsupported or outnumbered.

An experienced manager may be able to separate the challenge to their instruction from a challenge to them personally. A less confident manager may react defensively and say something such as:

“If that’s your attitude, just get out.”

The problem is that “get out” is unclear. Does it mean leave the room, leave the nursery for the day, remain away until contacted, or leave the employment permanently?

Respond rather than react

Managers should be trained to do three things in the moment:

1. Pause before responding.
2. Separate the employee’s behaviour from the employee as a person.
3. Give a clear instruction without using language that sounds final or punitive.

For example:

“Please step into the office with me so that we can discuss this calmly.”

Or:

“I need you to return to the room now so that we can maintain appropriate cover. We can discuss your concerns privately at 2.00 pm.”

This is very different from saying, “Get out,” “Go home,” or “Don’t bother coming back.”

The first response keeps the instruction clear and creates an opportunity for a controlled conversation. The second creates uncertainty and may later be presented as evidence that the employee was dismissed, suspended or excluded from work.

In terms of Eric Berne’s transactional analysis, the manager needs to remain in the Adult state. This means dealing with the facts, staying objective and avoiding an emotional Parent-to-Child confrontation.

Be clear when sending someone home

There may be occasions when an employee genuinely needs to be removed from a room or sent home. This might be necessary because of safeguarding concerns, a serious breakdown in behaviour, an immediate risk to children or staff, or the need to protect an investigation.

That decision must still be communicated carefully.

The manager should explain:

• whether the employee is simply leaving the room or leaving the premises;
• whether they are being sent home for the remainder of the day;
• whether this is a management instruction or a formal suspension;
• whether they will continue to be paid;
• who they should contact;
• whether they must remain available; and
• what will happen next.

Suspension means temporarily requiring an employee to stop carrying out work while a matter is investigated. It should not be imposed casually or used automatically as a punishment.  Suspension will be getting harder to justify under proposals to revise the ACAS Code of Practice.

Where possible, the manager should obtain HR advice before making a decision affecting the employee’s work, pay or continuing employment. If urgent safeguarding action is required, the immediate priority will be protecting children, but the employment position should then be clarified promptly and confirmed in writing.

Make a factual record

Once the situation has calmed, the manager should make a brief factual note recording:

• the date, time and location;
• who was present;
• what was said;
• what instruction was given;
• how the employee responded;
• whether the employee left the room or building; and
• what follow-up action was agreed.

Avoid relying on labels such as “aggressive”, “rude” or “insubordinate” without describing the behaviour that led to that conclusion.

Instead of writing:

“B became aggressive.”

Record:

“B raised their voice, pointed towards the manager and said, ‘You cannot tell me what to do.’”

A clear note made at the time can be extremely helpful if the incident later becomes the subject of a grievance, disciplinary process or Employment Tribunal claim.

What if the employee raises a grievance?

A grievance does not mean that the manager’s original instruction was necessarily wrong. Employees can be expected to follow reasonable management instructions, including instructions about room deployment and maintaining appropriate staffing.

The grievance should nevertheless be taken seriously and investigated fairly.

Useful questions include:

1. What has led you to that conclusion?
2. Can you give specific examples?
3. Who was present?
4. What words do you remember being used?
5. How did you understand the instruction?
6. What outcome are you seeking?

Managers should listen without becoming defensive or attempting to win the argument during the grievance meeting. Their role is to establish the facts.

Training prevents escalation

Strong nursery management is not about avoiding difficult conversations. It is about having those conversations calmly, clearly and consistently.

Managers need the confidence to give reasonable instructions, challenge inappropriate behaviour and maintain safe staffing arrangements. They also need the emotional intelligence to recognise when a conversation is deteriorating and pause before saying something that could have unintended consequences.

“Please return to the room” is a clear management instruction.

“Please step into the office so we can discuss this privately” creates space for a controlled conversation.

“Get out and don’t come back” could create an entirely different employment problem.

The words used in a heated moment matter. Training managers to respond rather than react can prevent a difficult five-minute exchange from becoming a lengthy grievance, disciplinary dispute or dismissal claim.

If we can be of any assistance, please contact us on 01527 909436.